There has been a discussion on EB about Down Syndrome. One of the members posted a topic about her friend who has a high risk for DS and wanted some advice to give her before she made any decisions. I told her my point of view, and also my friends in the DS support thread gave their advice, because, honestly, the medical profession always paint such a doom and gloom picture when it comes to Down Syndrome. I think its best to get information straight from a person who is in that situation.
Anyways, some other member comes along and said she terminated her pregnancy at 13 weeks because the amnio revealed the baby had Down Syndrome. Thats all well and good, I respect her decision. Had it been a couple of years ago I probably wouldve said something nasty and gotten onto the old soapbox, but Ive put the soapbox into retirement now. Im not going to judge anyone because of their actions. I was in a similar situation when I was pregnant with Summer, and had my NT results came back less than favourable, I wouldve gone down the testing road and quite possibly have terminated my pregnancy.
For me its the fact that bringing another child into the world who has Down Syndrome wouldnt be fair on Paige, she already needs a lot of attention and it just wouldnt be fair to her, it just wouldnt. Anyway, this member comes back on later and says that "DS folk are physcially and mentally retarded", WTF??? What planet is she living on? Planet of the misinformed morons? Sounds like it to me!
That comment of hers really pissed me off! People with Down Syndrome are not physically "retarded" as she put it! All kids with DS learn how to sit up, crawl, walk etc, sure they are slower to reach thier milestones but when have you seen a person with DS in a wheelchair cos theyre "retarded" and cant walk or fend for themselves? Either this person is a twit or she has gotten some pretty dumb info from the medical profession. I think its the former, personally, just someone who thinks she knows everything about DS but in fact knows nothing! To which I say, do some research first before coming into a thread and spouting off that people with DS are "physically retarded". Talk about a sweeping statement!
83 comments:
What a distasteful, insensitive statement to make! That is completely inappropriate, and the rest of you ought to flood the Admin with complaints to have that stupid cow banned from the forum.
xoxo
Dont worry Miss J, we already did!
According to the dictionary in hand retarded is defined as, 'relatively slow in mental or emotional or physical development'. I'd say that covers what you have described regarding mental and physical development of children with downs syndrome. What was said wasn't offensive in the slightest, it was completely factual.
Anonymous, whoever you are, I dont give a flying fuck what the dictionary said, I still think they are offensive! my DD isnt physically retarded thankyou very much!
Dani
I am so sorry to hear about this ignorant and heartless comment.
And as for "anonymous", if you are going to take the time to read and post a comment in Dani's blog I suggest you have the conviction to stand by your statement and not hide behind the cloak of anonymity.
Danni, I understand where you are coming from.
I once had someone tell me that Hollie was 'waste of space on Earth because of her cleft'
'anonymous'- how gutless are you?!
Im wondering if Anonymous was the person I was referring to in my post? I cant stand gutless people honestly, sheesh!
Nic~ Thats a horrible thing to say, I dont know how people can live with themselves after saying stuff like that! Pisses me right off!
Anonymous sounds very un-educated and to terminate a pregnancy based on being misinformed...that's just sad. And in this day and age, ignorant.
Paige and all the other children in the world just like her are anything BUT wastes of space. They're beautiful children and will someday grow into beautiful people who I HOPE and pray never have to face people as stupid as Anonymous.
Ok anonymous the person may have used THAT word in the right context but to use it at all in the 21st century shows there/your total lack of ignorance on the subject.
The actual term retarded never used to be a deragatory thing at all. It literally meant slower paced. Some idiot somewhere decided to use it as a "slang" term for whatever purpose and now the actual meaning of the word has been lost on the world and turned into something awful that makes me cringe.
I HATE the "r" word, I can't even type it. Like Danni, I have kind of tucked my soapbox away for situations where it really just needs to come out, but I do still let everyone know how much I disapprove of the word, in it's "new" meaning. My true friends wouldn't dare use it around me.
I absolutely dread the day my son comes home from school and asks me why someone called him the r word. It is going to break my heart.
Anonymous is probably one and the same person who posted the tasteless crap in the first place that you talked about Danni. *rolls eyes*
The world unfortunately will always have people in it who lack compassion and caring for others. AND who are completely misinformed and are content to stay that way. That's what breeds fear and prejudice too.
But for the grace of God those same people could have been born with these issues themselves, or had a sibling like them. THEN they'd be singing a different tune!
I just hope these beautiful children like Paige will be spared hurtful remarks as they grow older. They are a GIFT to us.
Oh Danni. You are such an inspiration, and I will repeat myself. You are just fantastic. Paigey is so lucky to have such a wonderful Mummy like you. Well done chicki.
Kylie
xxx
I don't know why people are so insensitive. Even if it were true (which it isn't), why on Earth would someone feel compelled to say that? It's like going up to someone and kicking them in the shin for no reason! I'm so sorry.
If I was there, I would have taken that lady to a friend of mine whose child has DS, and yet listening to the news, writes poetry (both in English), and does math problems for high school kids! (she is 7 years old, and her first language is Indonesian. Nobody else speaks English at their home! haha). That's not retarded to me!!! I know kids with DS are slower in some areas, but they are far from being retarded, and they deserve parents who can love and respect them as human beings.
Ugh..I hate ignorant people who make just as equally stupid comments! and people who coward enough to hide behind anonymousity. You should turn anonymous comment off. Make life easier =)
I have the signing time videos and I love them because they show children doing amazing things at their own pace. It has created an awarness about all people in both my daughers and opened the door for some serious questions about differences. I hope it is the kind of thing that sets them up for a lifetime of sensitivity and love in their hearts. It is so sad that some people are crippled by assumptions.
Oh that irritates me. We've been trying to have a baby for 7 years and we've lost several pregnancies along the way. It bothers me that someone did not cherish the gift of life that they were blessed with.
Coming over from SITS. I'm sorry about the comment from Anonymous. If someone has to cloak themselves, then why even leave a comment. That is annoying. I have a couple of those types of comments on my posts too.
Growing up, I had a friend whose sister was / had DS. She was two years behind in school for her age but she graduated from high school and went on to live a very productive life until she died at the age of 23. She was not retarded.
Jodi Picoult's book "Handle With Care" deals with the subject of aborting a pregnancy based on results of pretesting. In this case it was a very rare bone disease but same issue. It would be a hard decision and I wouldn't judge anyone either. Not sure what I'd do under those circumstances, especially after reading this book.
Visiting from SITS.
Stopping by from SITS
One of my closest friends has a daughter with DS. She is age 3. She needed heart surgery the first year and recovered nicely. She did things a little later than others her age but she is now a very physically active 3 year old. As in bouncing off the walls!
You're right, the woman that said that is an idiot. Plus, I just can't stand the word "retarded"
Factual or not, that is just plain offensive and ignorant. We've come such a long way, and yet have so far to go...
Stopping in from SITS...am shocked and disappointed by insensitive cruel comments..not only the one you reference in your post but the anonymous comment here as well.
the world needs more people who care and have some class.
It is sad that people are so insensitive. My uncle had downs and it was very hurtful when anyone referred to him using such terms.
Well if I was to get on "my soapbox" about how ignorant people were regarding DS you would be re-reading most of the posts. So I will leave a post simply saying, you must just forgive them as they do not know what they speak.
Happy SITS day!
The "r" word needs to be removed from our lexicon as it is- what an insensitive person!
How insensitive! I agree with you - she should be better informed before presenting her flawed opinions as facts. Honestly!
Stopping in from SITS..I'm so sorry about the rude statement about your precious daughter. I had my son when I was 35, and they asked if I wanted amnio done. I was like, nope, because it simply does not matter...this is my child, I love him, I don't care how he comes out, he is my precious gift from God. Your daughters are gorgeous!
Some people are born without that little sensor that screams, "Hey, you might not want to say that out loud, danger-danger."
Stopping by from SITS, enjoy your day.
You are an amazing mother and individual because of your caring heart. Don't let the useless thoughts of stupid people stand in your way - or waste your positive energy. Thank you for this post. I read the comment from the mom who's daughter has a cleft. My niece has a cleft and if anyone said anything along those lines to me or the family I'd personally introduce them to my fist.
Congrats on featured blogger at SITS!
I'm sorry you had to go thru that! There are some very inconsiderate and ignorant people out there and they can keep their nasty comments to themselves!
Great post! Amazed at what ignorance is still out there in this day and age.
A big You Go Girl for you and enjoy your SITS day!!
People really need to think before they open their mouth, but most don't.
Ugh! It stinks that such prejudices still exits. I am glad that you are sharing though because I am sure it will enlighten some.
Happy SITS day btw!
I have noticed more and more lately that people are using technology (e-mail, blogs, texting, etc) to say things that they would NEVER say in person. It really bothers me because it basically just means you are fake. And I hate fake!
Just remember "the battle isn't against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." -Ephesians 6:12.
We can't spend our time worring about other people's actions (although I really want to set them straight) God will take care of it.
I have really strong feelings regarding abortion, so rather than stir the pot on your (lovely!) blog, I'll just say congratulations on your big SITS Day. Exciting!
Stopping from SITS
My brother has DS and he is the nicest, greatest human alive!
My uncle had DS. I feel so blessed to have had him in my life! He was a very special human being with a pure heart! He was truly a gift!
How offensive and slow-minded!!!
My hubby works with the intellectually challenged in church, and is social work trained as well, and they are sweet, open and very honest!
I think you summed it up: This person is a TWIT!!!
-robin
www.robingillis.blogspot.com
I remember when I was pregnant with Alec and I was talking with someone about this issue. I said, "I wouldn't mind if I had a baby with Down's Syndrome." She looked at me as if I had lost my mind.
I remember the first time I got to play with Scott, the son of my mom's best friend. He had DS and I was 8 years old. I had won a little trophy for a Halloween contest and Scott broke it accidentally. I was upset, but my mom explained about the challenges Scott faced and I was OK with that.
I have volunteered at Handicamp, Special Olympics, as an aide in my high school "special needs" classroom, and some other places. I worked as a Team Leader for Trinity Services in Joliet, Illinois, one of the most amazing places ever. I was lead advocate at a residential home in Joplin, Missouri. And I have learned this: people are people regardless of their abilities and the golden rule still applies: treat others as you yourself would like to be treated.
~a SITSta
I cannot visit message boards anymore because of statements like those. Hateful, ignorant and flat out you want to smack the other individual. I know that I am blessed with all of my children but had I been told one of mine would have DS I would love them just the same. I would grieve a life that would be changed, but I would rejoice in the specialness of a child. People can be real pooftas!! Happy SITS day!!
And she did this on a DS forum?? That's crazy. I can't figure people out... why they spew bullshit like that at will. I guess it's the bravado the internet lends to people. I hope that person gets a clue.
Happy SITS day!
ill informed people say stupid things!
That is maddening!!!!!! I hate the word retarded and how it's become a cool word to throw around for something people don't like.
I have assured my kids that if I ever hear them that word in that context they will very sorry.
As an aside, my best friend has a son who is 7 years old with DS and functions on a 6 month old level. He is in a wheel chair and they don't see him walking ever in his life. So there are DS people out there that are so severely afflicted, but it is indeed, rare.
Don't you just love it when people just spew words without thinking first or thinking about how hurtful they can be?! My cousin has DS so watching people force him into a category before they've even met him drives me CRAZY!
People who don't know the facts shouldn't be able to make statements like that. They just don't get it!!
That makes me SO sad people terminate their pregnancies because of those tests. For someone like me who can't have children, I can't imagine ever terminating a pregnancy...even if I knew there would be special challenges! I'm sorry about peoples idiotic statements, for the most part it's just misunderstanding!
Wow, people never cease to amaze me. Our cousin is 16 and has Down's Syndrome. He is a fully functioning, walking, talking, normal human being. In fact, he has more sense than a lot of people I know (and more personality, too!) This is a prime example of people needed to think before they speak. Ignorance!
Its so sad that she terminated her pregnancy...so many of those scans are wrong. SO Sad she may have aborted a perfectly "normal" baby. and what's so wrong with a beautiful downs baby anyway?
well said and AMEN - do your homework is right!
The lack of information and wealth of misinformation that circulates about DS and frankly, most other disabilities, is down right ridiculous - good for you for educating and getting the word out!
Wow. She really had some nerve! How very rude and insensitive! She really needs to learn more about the subject before she says anything like that, in fact, those words should never be said. Period.
Happy SITS day!
Wow, how disrespectful. I'm sorry that there are some people who make uneducated comments.
Hope your SITS Day is great!
What planet is right! Good grief, with all the shows about DS and people WITH DS on TV (and there's plenty) - how can she POSSIBLY say that.
I have an adopted daughter and (while not the same thing) I get comments all the time that are hurtful and just plain dumb! It's so hard sometimes to deal with ignorant people. Everyone should be loved with God's love no matter what special circumstances they have!
That is horrible. I hope she will do some research! Happy SITS day!
People can be really ignorant. That's the bottom line, and it is sad. But I bet you have made a lot of people think with this post, so good for you. These days the "r" word has a seriously rude and offensive connotation, it doesn't matter what the dictionary says.
People who don't know what they are talking about should never open their mouth. Or their laptop for that matter.
Yikes! I was just reading the comments that started with Anonymous. Sorry you have to deal with all that.
that was awful of her to say but I have a feeling she is very uninformed.
Stopping by from SITS!
With my last pregnancy, I had to go in for a better ultrasound. They tried to convince me to get an amnio done so I could find out of the baby was going to have DS or not.
I immediately said no. What would it have changed? I was still going to have my baby. My baby was a precious human being. It did not matter if he had DS or not.
Ignorant people need to learn to keep their mouths shut.
Happy SITS day!
It sounds like she is possibly trying to justify her own position? It is ignorant and inappropriate.
I hate it when people don't have all the facts straight! Totally annoying!
Happy SITS day!
The sad thing is that people are ignorant because they choose to be.
I know somebody who had a test done during pregnancy and was told that her son would have DS. She was devastated.
She had her son and he is perfectly normal. These tests are not always right.
I'm sure she's glad she gave her son a chance.
That is such a horrible statement for anyone to make. Im so sorry you had to endure the ignorance of someone else's misinformation.
There will always be ignorant, misinformed people. Hope your SITS day was great.
Im sorry you had to deal with someone from the planet of misinformed morons. I have a daughter with aspergers, and you do meet these people sometimes who are crass and clueless.
Hope your sits day was great!!!
That's terrible. I hate it when people go to web forums looking for honest advice and support, and they getting a commenter like that. I hope that person was bashed and banned!
Wow cant believe,clearly they are ignorant!!!
If Anonymous doesn't think that what was said is not offensive and indeed factual, then why hide behind the cloak of anonymity?
Ugh!
People who are prejudiced or make judgments about things they have little or no knowledge on just show their ignorance.
Just stopping by from SITS...
Okay first, don't let this ignorant person get under your skin.... there will always be people like that out there. And secondly, I am proud that you have put away your soapbox... hopefully one day I will mature to that point too, but for now, I feel right at home on top of my soapboxes :)
happy sits day.
it's sad to see that there are still so many ignorant person in the world. Don't they know it's not okay to refer to people that way..no matter what their issues are.
i'd be pissed too!
People need think before they open their mouths, but they all too often don't!
You have to ignore a lot of senseless remarks. Else you'd go crazy...
Some people are just so ignorant! I hate the word "retarded". It has such negative connotations, but people throw it around left and right these days. My sis is autistic and often simply called "retarded"... makes my skin crawl.
Thats the thing with forum boards. People are so quick to open their mouths and make a comment about things they have no clue about. I am glad you said something to this insensitive and idiotic person!
I went through the DS scare when I was pregnant with my Daughter. It was terrifying, and when I was reading everything I could on the subject to prepare myself for her if she had it, I ran across soooo many ignorant people it was scary. I knew very little about it, but I was open minded because I could have been a mother to a DS child. The people who jump to conclusions and mis-information have more than likely NEVER had to face that reality.
Stopping by From SITS. Sorry I am behind on your SITS day!!
I think her comment just showed her up for the ignorant and insensitive person she is. And so did "Anonymous".
LBM xxx
Visiting from SITS! No idea who James is.
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