Two More Months.....

.....Till my birthday!! Im turning 35, OMG 35!!!! Where have the last five years gone? It was like yesterday that I turned the big 3-0 and I was busily planning my 30th birthday party that ended up not like I expected. It was freezing cold, raining, and a person that I thought was a good friend of mine let me down by not coming to my party after he told me that he would be there. My lovely aunty (mum's sister) offered to have the party at her house cos they live on a huge property so it wouldve been ideal to have it outside but unfortunately the weather had other ideas!

I know that one of you knows about that person I was talking about, but for my other readers Ill share the story with you. It was 2003 and I was still working at the hotel and I had become close friends with one of the chefs, who happened to be a married guy. I guess you could say I had a bit of a crush on him (and yes I was married to Rob and he knew about this friendship) It was probably because he was giving me so much attention that I just lapped it all up and it was great! But I suppose his wife was pissed off about the friendship we had and looking back I guess she had all the reason to be pissed.

Anyhoo, this person left the hotel where I was working and yeah I missed him heaps. I hated going to work and not seeing him there. I had met his wife and she was nice but then I guess she hated me because we were spending time together, again, I understand why she probably hated me, I would hate it if Rob became close friends with a chick at work, which he did when he worked as a chef and yes I hated this particular person, but thats another entry altogether.

I knew that my friendship with C was over when he stopped sending me texts and stopped talking to me and when he said they'd be at my party and then they didnt show up with not so much as a phonecall, I knew it was over! Rob warned me to be careful, he warned me that his wife would be pissed, but I wouldnt listen. I was so upset that he didnt come to my party. He ruined a special occasion and I made sure he knew it as well! I left a horrible message on his phone, and to make sure he got it I sent him another text to tell him how much he hurt me and how much I hated him!

I wanted to talk to him and ask him why he didnt bother to call me to tell me that he wasnt coming, he owed me that at least! Even if he said that it was because his wife was pissed then I wouldve understood, but to not even call, sorry but that isnt good enough! After I finally got over this moron, a few weeks after my birthday I saw he had called me because my phone had logged a missed call but he didnt leave a message, I suppose he was too gutless to leave a message, and I think I ended up sending him a text saying he was gutless. He still has a DVD of mine and Ive given up any hope of seeing it again, although the dumbass couldve sent it to me, he knew my address.

Anyway, all these years later I cringe whenever I think of him and whenever I think of how close I was to straying. I feel like a huge loser and a huge dumbass. But it takes two to tango, he was just as bad and said stuff to me that I dont wish to repeat here. I feel ashamed of myself for acting the way I did and if I could erase that part of my life, Id do it in a second! I must admit I do think about what he is up to and if he is still a pastry chef, but all I feel towards him is disgust and hatred. I know "hate" is a strong word but thats how I feel.

I remember talking to one of the other chefs at work after this incident and he revealed some things to me that I was very surprised to hear. He told me that C had been saying stuff about me to him, like I talk too much and other things that I cant even remember now, and that made me feel like an even bigger loser and dumbass! Then another chef I knew told me that she worked with C at another hotel and he used to say sexist comments towards them and it didnt surprise me at all.

So thats a bit about that part of my life. Whenever I think of my 30th birthday I think of that moron, I dont ever think about how I was surrounded by people who love me and care for me, my family, I only think of how bloody stupid I was. Turning 35 is a big deal, its five years away from turning the big 4-0!!! OMFG!! I wont be having a party though, I cant be bothered dealing with the stress of having a party, I have my own little family and theyre the only people I want to share my special birthday with!