I feel like Im drowning in a sea of depression lately and I dont even know why! I have this knotted feeling in my stomach again and I just feel like crying for no particular reason! All this despite taking my meds and I still feel lousy! I thought I was over feeling like this, I mean its not like I have anything to worry about. Our financial problems are now all fixed thanks to my wonderful parents so Im not worried about debts as the only debt we have now is the house and repaying the loan my parents gave us back to them thats a huge weight lifted off our or particularly MY shoulders as I was the one doing all the worrying about finances.
Paige has settled into kinder wonderfully and thriving thanks to her gluten free diet! Summer is growing like a weed, and is relatively happy when she aint whining, so why do I feel like this? I have no friggen idea! I feel anxious and I feel as if I have no patience with the kids whatsoever! I think I spent most of this weekend yelling at them, how awful am I? Summer was particularly trying this weekend and I have zero patience with whining, in fact I think when God was handing out patience he gave me the least amount cos I seem to have little to none!
I feel like the girls are constantly clinging to me and I cant breathe! If one isnt sitting on my lap then the other is, or theyre fighting over me! Its wonderful to feel loved but I feel smothered. Honestly I feel like the worst mum ever, not wanting to be around my children. I get frustrated with Summer a lot, I dont know why! I feel sad and upset because she isnt saying many words for a child her age. I worry about her a lot, and I also get frustrated because she is always copying Paige, it doesnt matter what Paige does, Summer has to copy her!
When we went dancing on Saturday, all they did was muck around again and hardly joined in and it frustrates me. I know it shouldnt because theyre only little and of course kids are going to do that but I just want them to join in! Instead Im chasing after them because they do a runner and want to go outside or play. Last Saturday I had a bit of a cry while there because I was so angry! No one saw me, Im pretty good at hiding my tears. In fact last Saturday I was feeling horrible too, all I did was cry and then we went and visited my parents because I needed my mother. I felt better once we got there and I had company, but I honestly dont know why I feel like shit again this week!
I dont feel like I want to stay in bed and sleep, although I am feeling tired thanks to Miss Paige and her early starts. I just want this feeling to go away.
5 comments:
Oh Danni I'm sorry to hear you are feeling like this.
Sounds as though you need a big relax away from the girls. Maybe a massage or a facial or just a day away - maybe just even going to a movie by yourself.
Don't feel bad - I have zero patience most days and find if I give myself a break from the kids (even just for half an hour!) I feel much better.
Frankie started a dance type of class last week and ran around the room with her friend the whole time - didn't listen to a word the teacher said!!
Big hugs and kisses!
Pen
xx
Danni, I can relate to so many of the things you have talked about. Sounds like are days are quite the same. I certainly don't have any great words of advice but just wanted to say 'i hear ya'. Will be thinking of you.
Try not to feel badly about feeling like you need some time out from the girls. Kids are the biggest part of our lives as mothers, but we need more than just them to be happy.
Maybe you could get someone to watch them while you take some time out by yourself or with Rob. Doing Yoga or Pilates at the Gym might be a good thing to do to have a break every now and again too and relax.
Everyone has stages where they feel like the worst Mum in the world, but it's not true at all. In fact, just feeling like that makes you a good mum, cos you care enough to know you need a break.
I agree with what the other ladies have said, don't feel bad about it Danni ALL moms need a wee break now and then. I'm sorry your depression is back, and I hope your therapy sessions will help with all of that.
(((((((HUGS))))))))))
Well, Danni, I totally agree with the other ladies. I found when my kids were small that a small break was enough - just to get away so that you don't feel like you are so chained down!!! It's like breaks at work - you need them to get through the day. Children are "work" too, so you need a break every so often. It's nothing to be ashamed of, that's for certain. Take care my dear, and prayers and hugs are coming your way!! xoxoxoxoxox
Linda Lou
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