I had one of those days today, a day where it started off okay but then turned shithouse by the afternoon. We went to playgroup today, however there was a special event for Childrens Week at the Bacchus marsh Leisure Centre so we attended that today as a group, there were all different activities for kids to get active. I was really looking forward to going but then I saw some trash there ( my ex playgroup friend that I had the falling out with on Facebook) and she totally ignored me, fucking fat cow! At first I was real tempted to go and say lets start afresh but then I thought, why the hell should I go and say something when it was HER that has the problem with me.
Anyhoo I saw another old playgroup friend there with her two girls so it was nice to see them and I chatted for a bit with her, but it really broke my heart being there cos Paige just didnt want to participate in anything! All she wanted to do was be picked up by me and we had only been there for half an hour and she wanted to go home. Summer was having such a great time and in the end we were sitting on the sidelines and our playgroup coordinator saw me and knew that I wasnt very happy. I basically just burst into tears in front of her. I felt like an idiot but I couldnt hold it in any longer!
She offered to take Paige for me (she is so lovely, she is the Integration Aide at the primary school so works with special needs children) while I spent some time with Summer. I had to compose myself so as to not let FC (Fat Cow) see me get upset. I guess it was a mixture of things that really upset me today, one being her and another being that Paige just doesnt want to join in any activities at the moment cos of her health! Im so angry at all of this. Why cant my child have a break from all this bullshit sickness? I know Im gonna sound like a bitch but I just want FC to be in MY shoes for a day and see how it feels to have a kid that is unwell, see how she fucking likes it!
Im over seeing my daughter feeling tired and have no energy. Im over the clinginess. Im over the whining. Im over not being able to take her somewhere and enjoy ourselves cos she wants to come home. Im over being depressed. I just want my daughter to be well again and to be her normal self like she used to be beforre this all started! Im angry and Im upset and I have lost count at how many times I have burst into tears.
9 comments:
Awww, Danni!! I feel so bad for you, as it must be very, very stressful, with Paige being sick and not being able to do anything to help. Have you heard anything from the Dr's Office with regards to the appointment? It's good that you spoke with the counsellor, and broke into tears, as tears are healing, and she seems very supportive, offering to look after Paige for awhile so you could have a break and be with Summer. FC (Love that!!!) does not deserve your least little thought, so please try to put her where she belongs - right out of your mind!! You can see from what I am saying to you, that there are other people who are far more deserving of your time and friendship (like the counsellor and those other friends who, when Paige was hospitalized, offered to help you out). These people were there when FC wasn't!!
And do not worry about the tears!! Trust me, they are necessary to get out the frustrations. Never hold back. People do understand, trust me!! You have every right to feel angry!
You and your family are still in my prayers and I am sending hugs to all as well. Take care Danni, you'll be just fine, and so will Paige. xoxoxoxoxox
Linda Lou
I dont even know why I let the cow upset me! I guess I was already feeling fragile and having her hanging around and not even speaking to me just stressed me out. I think Im letting it get to me cos Ive been having dreams about her of late
Oh you poor honey! I can't believe you had to see that effing mole. And little Paige - she has been through so much lately. You really deserve a break from all the drama honey. I'm wishing for beautiful things to happen for you...Kirsten <3
You've been having dreams (nightmares??) of her??
Ouch!! I imagine that must be the stress you are going through, acting out. Hopefully that ends soon!! Keep thinking positive Danni. You have a lot of positive things to think about - like your two lovely daughters. Hugs to you all!! xoxoxoxoxox
Linda Lou
I feel awful you had such a tough time of it the other day, but am glad to hear you're doing better now. I am so looking forward to when Paige is well again, for her sake as well as yours! xoxo
Linda, yes Ive had a couple of dreams about her, one where we had a confrontation in person and I called her a bitch to her face, man felt good!
Hey. It's no bloody wonder you want someone to walk a mile in your shoes. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to give someone a taste of your struggle if they've been so remiss of your needs :(
I don't know what happened (I feel like I should... perhaps it was while I went AWOL that this went down, did you talk of it on here?) but I can only imagine. I'm sorry.
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