Something I Never Thought Id Have To Experience

Back in February, just when Paige had started school and we got news of her full funding, I got some really horrible news, news Id never thought Id have to hear.  Firstly, my gorgeous friend Fiona had told me that she found a lump in her breast and it was malignant, I felt so sad because she had just turned 40 and felt it was unfair for someone so beautiful to have this happen to them.  She was very positive though and told me not to be so sad, but it couldnt be helped, I was crying when I read her email to me.

On the same day I knew my grandmother had to see a specialist as a CAT scan she had a week earlier had shown an enlarged pancreas and an enlarged liver, I think I was putting off calling her because I was just scared of any bad news that may come about.  I bit the bullet and called the day after and my grandma seemed her usual self, but then I spoke to my mum who was acting strangely and I could tell she had been crying so I didnt question her, both my mum and grandma said everything was okay and she had to go back the following week.

Then later that evening my mum rang and told me that my grandma had cancer of the pancreas and thats when I felt my whole world crumble.  I didnt stop crying when she told me, I never thought Id get the news that my grandma would have cancer.  Both my mother in law and father in law have had cancer but it was different, Im not related to them and even though theyre Rob's parents I didnt cry or feel anything for them, I know it sounds bad but I didnt feel at all numb like I did when I was told that my grandma had this demon.

I didnt want to think of what may happen to my grandma, but after I heard the news I just didnt give a shit about anything anymore, I began to wollow in sadness again and everything that I enjoyed seemed insignificant at that moment! I couldnt care less about Twitter or the fact I was going to the WWE live event in July, I just wanted to not think of anything anymore.  Then in mid march my grandma went in for surgury to remove the cancerous part of the pancreas and she has also had the spleen and gall bladder removed.  My friend Fiona had her lumps removed but has since started chemo and will later start radiation.

I havent seen my grandma or Fiona in months, I actually saw my grandma on Mothers day and that was the first time in 3 months I had seen her, we have all been ill and not allowed to go near my grandma who is now immuno deficient as she has no spleen. She has just started chemo this week and she is very worried about what COULD happen from the chemo.  Fiona just shaved all her hair off because she was losing it in clumps, I told her about my other dear friend Miss Janna from the US and how she buzzed her hair too, Fiona agreed it was a good idea.

Now that both my grandma and Fiona have gone thru their surgeries and are on the way to becoming cancer free, I have been feeling a lot more positive about them both coming out of this.  Its an awful feeling having someone you love battling Cancer, I really never expected it to be any of my close family.