Just when I thought my "grieving" was over, its started all over again the other day. As you know I take Paige to playgroup and Ive had a few issues with fitting in. I used to really enjoy going in the beginning but now its starting to get hard to try to muster up the enthusiasm to go. Im finding it difficult to deal with the fact that the babies younger than Paige are doing things that she should be doing.
One little girl who is 6 months, has been sitting up unaided since she was 4.5 months. Now the other day, she was standing up! There is another baby who is crawling, and sitting and has2 teeth, another baby who is attempting to crawl and another who is sitting up, yet Paige is still only rolling around everywhere and she can sit up with help but thats about it. I know Im being silly and I shouldnt be comparing Paige to the other kids but I cant help it. I try so hard not to but its difficult.
I know Paige will get there but when I go and see all these kids doing the things that Paige should be doing, I cant help but feel bitter and burned up inside. Its not only with the milestone thing, its the health issues as well. One of the ladies was saying she had to take her son to the Dr for the first time the other day, well, bully for her! Im sure is any one of them had to take their child to the hospital for regular check ups Im sure they wouldnt be able to cope with it, and they whinge about having to take their kid to the Dr because theyre sick!
I dont know, I am really feeling like I should bow out of playgroup, I still feel like we dont belong there, but I dont want to deny Paige being with other kids, it would be selfish of me to do that to her just because of my bitterness towards the other mums who have "normal" kids. They dont treat her any differently, and we dont either, to us and my family she is as normal as any other kid, but still it hurts when I see the other kids advancing in stuff and poor Paige is still rolling around everywhere. Some days I just wanna cry and cry. I love my daughter more than I love anything else in this world, but I guess Im still grieving for the "normal" child I never had.
Im sorry about the wollowing in self pity post, but I just needed to get it off my chest. I feel more at home on the Essential Baby forum, than I do in playgroup. I have friends on the forum who have kids with Down Syndrome and they have been a constant source of support to me and they understand how it is to have a special child, the women in playgroup will never understand.
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